Happy Mother's Day, Ma.

When I was a kid, about 13 years of age, I had thoughts about how I would 'manage' without my parents. How I would live without them. I remember the fear, sadness, the morbid, eerie feelings. I just knew I couldn't take it. A year after, God decided through His infinite wisdom, to take my father home. A few months before Papa died, I was encouraging a friend of mine whose father had passed away. Because of the feeling of knowing that that could've been my dad who died, I remember thinking that I did not want him to be in this situation. I tried to sit down with him, listen to him, and just do whatever I could to 'make it easy' for him. Of course, I didn't succeed. I probably helped in some small way, but that's as far as it went.

I didn't think I'd make it this far without him. My dad was a huge presence in my life, and I thank God for the memories. I thank Him for the grace to move forward.

During the next season of our family's life, I also remember the thoughts of losing my mother. After hearing the news of her being diagnosed of Ovarian Cancer, I thought, "Am I gonna be that person losing both parents?" Another few years later, and I did. I did become that person. My siblings and I. We did. 

Every Father's Day, and every Mother's Day, I am overwhelmed with the clear memories, and the reality of not being able to send them greeting cards. Not being able to call them on speed dial to hear their responses. 

And as we celebrate our Mothers during this special day, I just want to focus on how much God blessed me through His sovereignty by allowing me to be born and raised through parents who loved Him like crazy. How I am grateful to the Lord for giving me a Mother who always wanted to be in the center of His will. 

Ma, I wish you were here. I wish I could write you a card. I wish I could give you a kiss and a hug. You would be surprised of who I married. You would've been proud of me. But I'm glad you're in the arms of our Saviour. I'm jealous. But I will see you and Papa again, for sure. I know you can't hear me, but, Happy Mother's Day. I love you.